Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Walking the Path

Have you ever seen the movie Sliding Doors?  It's one of my absolute all-time favorite movies.  Like EVER.

First of all, who doesn't love Gwyneth Paltrow?  I've loved her for ages - ever since this movie which came out in 1998.  And of course, I about had a heart attack when she showed up in the first Glee episode.  But I think what I love best about this movie is it's plot line.  The story revolves around Gwyneth's character's two life paths.  One when she makes a train, and one when she misses it and how that one act dramatically changes the courses of her life.  And that's what I love about it - the possibilities.

When I think about all the small choices and actions that led me to where my life is now, it's a bit overwhelming.  What if I had made a different choice along the way.  Would I be here now?  Would I have the friends I have?  The life I have?  The Tweedles, The Hubs, GG and LW?  It's crazy to me that there might have been a path for my life that wouldn't have lead here.   Almost as crazy as all the choices I made that did lead me here to the life I have now.

Some good choices, like college which has allowed me to support our family while we get The Hubs through school.  Some bad.  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had to marry my first husband, to find my way to The Hubs.  Had to live through that relationship with all of its ups and downs and the ultimate demise of it all, for so many reasons.  I had to learn what a dysfunctional and bad relationship was so I could better appreciate the healthy and loving one I have now.  I had to live through our horribly managed finances and crawl my way out of overwhelming debt to learn not only how to manage money, but who to trust and how far with my own finances.  I had to learn what I wasn't looking for in a marriage and a partner so I could recognize what I did want when I saw it.  I made mistakes with my first boyfriend just out of my relationship with my first husband that further helped me find my way.  I thought I wanted someone who would take care of me.  Make all my decisions for me.  Make life "easy" for me.  Turns out, that's not me at all.  Turns out, I'm an independent woman who needs a partner, not someone to take care of, or someone who will take care of me.  But, like a child, I had to experience it to know for myself.  And when all those painful times were over, I had to choose to open my heart up again to someone new.  Choose to take a chance, and that was probably the hardest choice of all.  Who knows where my life might be now if I hadn't made that one.

It was worth it though.  Every mistake, every success.  I'm a stronger woman for it.  My relationship with The Hubs is stronger for it.  My life - our lives - are stronger for it.  So here's to possibilities and the choices we make - or rather, it would be, if it was closer to 5pm and I had a drink in my hand.  They shape us, mold us and can make or break us, but it's life.  In all it's glory and happiness and sadness, it's life.  And as long as we're moving forward, we'll always know we're on the right path.

Seriously.. Thoughts?

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