Friday, July 9, 2010

Reasons I'm a Bad Parent

I'm a bad parent.  I want to just throw that out there right in the beginning.  Not, beat my kids and lock them in a closet bad - Although, some days I wish I was.  But the kind of bad, where other Moms look at my children and just shake their heads with that "ooh, poor little dears" look on their faces.  Don't know that look?  That's probably because you're a good parent.  Lets get to the list, and you'll understand.

1. I don't have a Mom purse.  In fact, I almost never take a purse anywhere.  I have my wallet in my back pocket, my phone in my front pocket and my keys in my hand.  And that's the way I prefer it.  But, I do own two purses.  Impressed aren't you?

One is black pleather that I use when I go "out".  Don't laugh, sometimes I do go out.  Hey!  I do!  Stop judging me!

The other is this pretty multi-colored straw thing.  I use it sometimes when I want fool myself into thinking that I'm fooling other people into thinking I'm a good Mom.  However, any good self respecting Mom would know right off the bat that these are not Mom purses.  They're not big enough.  Certainly not big enough for extra wipes, tissues, crayons, books, ointments, creams, lip balms, band aids, hair bands, barrettes, gum, pens, paper, snacks, juice boxes etc, that are required to be a Mom bag.  Honestly, the idea of carting around all that stuff makes my back hurt.  I'm not a pack mule after all! 

2. I don't do "hair".  On a typical day, I jump out of the shower, brush my hair out, and throw it up into a pony tail.   For Bunny, I might do barrettes or I might even go so far as two pony tails, but anything more sophisticated than that.  And forget it.

And french braids.. wow.  I dream of knowing how to french braid, but sadly I don't.  And while this has very little effect on my Bug.  My Bunny is another story.

Thank goodness for Glamour Girl.  She comes to the rescue and can make my Bunny's hair into a stylish fashion statement.  What will I do when that Glamour Girl goes off to college?  Maybe we just won't let her go.  Can I find a legal standing to keep her in the house to do my Bunny's hair?

Because God forbid, we let Bunny do her own hair!  Or this is how she would leave the house.  And then wouldn't I be winning Mommy awards!

3. I never leave the house.  Well, never is awfully strong.  But during the week except for my drive to and from work on Monday and Tuesday, I stay safely indoors.  So I rarely know what the weather is like outside.  And being on the computer so much, it would be so easy to just look it up, but I don't.  And so I never know how to dress my kids for the day.  Ever.  I always feel bad when Bunny comes home from school shivering because I neglected to put a jacket on her in 40 degree weather.  Or when Bug comes in sweating when I have him in long sleeves on a 90 degree day.  But I still won't check the weather. I think I might have some moral compunction against it.  Or maybe it's weather-a-phobia? Yeah, must be weather-a-phobia.

4. I'm super lazy when it comes to make-up.  Most days I won't wear any.  Not even lip balm.  Although Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers has been a regular for the last few weeks, I doubt the love affair will last.  Laziness always wins.   But Bunny?  She loves make-up.  Her Aunt - who I will despise for the rest of my days for this - got her a whole make-up kit a few years back for her birthday. And my Bunny? She loves it! LOVE IT!  She always want to play make-up.  But it doesn't always go so well.

I'm blaming my lack of mothering skills on this.  If I was a better mother, my Bunny wouldn't look like such a clown.  Ahh well.

Seriously.. Thoughts?

ps. Her ears aren't pierced, those are stick on earrings that came in her make-up set.  Just so you know.


  1. now, i'll tell YOU a secret: big purses don't mean you're a good mom. i know, i have one. it is filled with crayons, spare froggy panties, gum, snacks, burts bees, sunscreen, spare barettes, an iPod with kids music, knitting, water bottle, band-aids, light sweater, a book. really. i could go on, it's all in there. but all it means is this: 1.i am too lazy to clean it out. i don't have the time or the will-power, so the purse gets bigger. and bigger. 2. i hate the tantrums. i will do damn near anything on this green earth to avoid them. as long as that 'anything' can be found in my purse. and finally, 3. girl scouts. yup, girl scouts. don't leave home with out preparing for any unforeseen circumstance. i can't help it, it's been tattooed on my frontal lobe since 2nd grade. so really, we're the same. just on opposite ends of the spectrum.

  2. I love you Jen! You might be my new hero!