Friday, July 2, 2010

Men Are From Mars...

I want to preface this post by saying that towards the end of my first marriage, when I was desperate to fix everything that was broken - and actually believed I could do it on my own, I sat and read John Gray's, Men Are From Mars.. Women Are From Venus. And it really made clear to me, that men and women are different.  They think differently, they react differently, they function differently.  The differences hit home especially after I had my son.   My Bug loves cars, distantly followed by dinosaurs, monsters and his stick pony.  Even before we had the Disney Movie Cars, I noticed his peculiar fascination with cars, busses and trucks on every single outing we went on.Where did this interest come from?  How did my Bug who was regularly being dressed up in princess outfits by my Bunny and watching Barbie movies, end up loving cars?  Why? Because boys are different.  I also was raised by a man, grew up with a man, am married to a man and now am raising a man-in-training.  Having said all that, I feel confident in saying I'm in expert on the field of men being different from women.  But if that doesn't convince you, let me tell you a little story that should fully illustrate how different the sexes truly are.

In February of 2004, The Hubs was still The Boyfriend, and had decided to have a big blow-out bash for his 36th birthday.  This was all well and good. In fact, since he had been rather distant from his family during his first marriage, I really encouraged this.  The event was going to be held at his brother's house.  We made plans, we invited guests, it was going to be great.  Except for one little thing.  The Hubs was acting weird.  He seemed distant and secretive.  He wouldn't talk to me.  His only response to the question of what was wrong was "nothing", and in girl language, that's the kiss of death.  In the days leading up to his birthday party, I was convinced we were over.  He was just trying to find a nice way of ending it.  I was miserable.  And in true girl form, I tried to just pretend nothing was wrong, when secretly inside I was a raving mess.

On the day of the party, we all drove north to his brother's house to help get the party ready before all of the guests arrived.  The Hubs's sister and her family, his best friend and his family, and several other friends of ours were going to be there.  We congregated in one of two places, either in the kitchen or out by the pool.  Since The Hubs still wasn't really wanting to discuss "what was wrong" and why he was acting so strange, I put on my best face for this party.  I flitted from this group to that, chatting with these friends and his family members.  Occasionally I would notice The Hubs had absented himself from his own party.  Weird I thought.. and several times went to track him down and drag him back since he was the main event here.  And each time, I found him on his cell, having hushed conversations that quickly ended when I came into view. 

I.  Was. Devastated.   Seriously, what more proof did I need that he had moved on?  That he was being so weird because he had found someone else, and I was going to be shown the door soon?  Very soon.  How could I have been so blind?  I went over each and every conversation we had over the last few weeks.  I dissected his body language, the length of his sentences, how many breaths he took and where he was looking trying to find where I had missed the subtle signs of his finding a new love.  Because that's what girls do.  We hash and re-hash and re-hash again trying to make sense of it all.

Did I mention we were at his birthday party?  Determined to have it out with him the very next day, all I could do was put on a brave smile and sit myself down at the picnic table by the pool.  My soon-to-brother-in-law Donnie must have sensed my desolation because mere seconds after I sat, he placed a banana marguerita in front of me.  And what else is a desolate girl, who is about to be broken up with to do, but drink?  And drink I did.  I don't know how many of those tiny glasses I managed to drink down, but I was more than buzzed.  More than tipsy.  More than a little drunk.

We ate a wonderful BBQ dinner, which did help my intoxication levels a little bit.  And I did even remember to drink some water, so I was coming down off my high when it was time to open presents.  Now, some of the rest of this story is a little fuzzy.  I blame most of this on the alcohol because Donnie? He doesn't make light drinks.  I don't think he knows how.

We all gathered in the dining room and stood around a table full of presents, when Donnie's wife asked The Hubs if he had something to say.  And The Hubs got a little nervous look on his face, and I was wishing I was sitting down and the room would stop swaying so much.  He rambled a little bit and I didn't pay a whole lot of attention -  he was dumping me after all.  But then.  Then.  Then I found The Hubs, kneeling in front of me, with a ring in his hand, proposing!  Proposing?!?  Wait, weren't you about to break up with me?  You mean you do love me?  This is why you've been acting so weird?  Do you realize I'm drunk?!?  You let me get drunk knowing you were proposing to me?!?  Proposing to me in front of all of our friends and your family?!? Drunk?!?

Of course, I said yes.  We hugged and kissed and my soon-to-be sister-in-law  yelled across the room that they hadn't heard an answer.  Now, before I tell you the next part, please remember that I was drunk.  And we were going to break up, so I was really really drunk.  Don't judge me too harshly.  Have I mentioned I was drunk?  I smiled a huge smile and yelled back "I said, Hell no!  I've met you people!"  Thankfully, everyone laughed and didn't hold it against me.  Maybe they too, realized I was drunk.

Here's a fine couple of  photos from that day.. can you tell I'm drunk?

Here I am on the phone calling my parents.  But shhhhh!  Don't tell them I was drunk.. they don't know!

How's that for an embarrassing drunk face?  How about The Hub's hair?  So glad he keeps it short these days!

But wait, I hear you say.  What about those secretive phone calls he was making? You know, the ones to his new lover?!   Yeah, those were to my Old People.  See, The Hubs is a bit old fashioned, and wanted to ask my Dad's permission to marry me before he popped the question.  And he couldn't exactly ask while I was hanging around.  How embarrassing!  My boyfriend's new alleged flame, was actually my Dad!. 

All that time, I was hashing and re-hashing.  Thinking and Over-Thinking.  Convinced we were over.   The Hubs, was getting ready to propose.. planning to, in fact, with a big event so all of our friends and his family could be there.  He made me worry, he made me question, he made me desolate and miserable! Yeah, Men really are from Mars.  A girl would never have done that.

Seriously.. Thoughts?

P.S. - did you see how I used this seemingly innocent topic of how men and women are different to tell my proposal story?  Yeah, I'm sneaky like that and you fell for it!  Ha Ha!  I win!


  1. Well, I guess I'm from Mars, cause I figured out what he was going to do the moment you said "party" and "acting weird". Oh, and I didn't dare ask Margaret's parents :) (Mikey)

  2. LOL Silly Mikey! You are definitely from Mars. But I still love you!